beceh: (sunset)
 This entries in this journal are predominantly set  to "Friends Only". If you want to read my ramblings, leave a comment and I may or may not add you ;) I probably will. I'm nice. I don't bite. Much. 

beceh: (books and socks)
For my own reference - Books & Gigs that I read/attend in 2011!


(1) My Life in France by Julia Child (January 3rd)
(2) Julie & Julia: My Year of Cooking Dangerously by Julie Powell (January 5th)
(3) The Keys to the Kingdom: Drowned Wednesday by Garth Nix (January 12th)
(4) The Keys to the Kingdom: Sir Thursday by Garth Nix (January 20th)
(5) The Keys to the Kingdom: Lady Friday by Garth Nix (January 23rd)
(6) The Keys to the Kingdom: Superior Saturday by Garth Nix (January 25th)

(7) The Keys to the Kingdom: Lord Sunday by Garth Nix (February 3rd)
(8) The City of Ember by Jeanne DuPrau (February 14th)
(9) The Lady Elizabeth: A Novel by Alison Weir (February 18th)
(10) Innocent Traitor by Alison Weir (February 25th)

(11) The King's Daughter by Barbara Kyle (April 5th) 
(12) Welcome to Temptation by Jennifer Cosie (April 11th)
(13) Darkfever by Karen Marie Moning (April 20th)
(14) Bloodfever by Karen Marie Moning (April 21st) 
(15) Faefever by Karen Marie Moning (April 23rd)
(16) Dreamfever by Karen Marie Moning (April 25th) 
(17) Shadowfever by Karen Marie Moning (April 28th)

(18) Marley & Me by John Grogan (May 20th)

(19) A Game of Thrones by George R. R. Martin (June 2nd)
(20) A Clash of Kings by George R. R. Martin (June 19th)  

(21) A Storm of Swords by George R. R. Martin (July 9th)
(22) The Lady in the Tower: The Fall of Anne Boleyn by Alison Weir (July 14th)
(23) A Feast For Crows by George R. R. Martin (July 21st)

(24) A Dance with Dragons by George R. R. Martin (August 3rd)
(25) Harry Potter and the Prisoner of Azkaban by J.K. Rowling (reread) (August 27th)
(26) Lamb: The Gospel According to Biff, Christ's Childhood Pal by Christopher Moore (August 31st)

(27) Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire by J.K. Rowling (reread) (September 22nd)
(28) Obernewtyn by Isobelle Carmody (reread) (September 23rd)
(29) The Farseekers by Isobelle Carmody (reread) (September 26th)
(30) Ashling by Isobelle Carmody (reread) (September 29th)

(31) The Keeping Place by Isobelle Carmody (reread) (October 6th)
(32) The Stone Key by Isobelle Carmody (reread) (October 11th)
(33) The No. 1 Ladies Detective Agency by Alexander McCall Smith (October 14th)
(34) Tears of the Giraffe by Alexander McCall Smith (October 16th)
(35) Morality for Beautiful Girls by Alexander McCall Smith (October 18th)
(36) The Kalahari Typing School for Men by Alexander McCall Smith (October 19th)
(37) The Cupboard Full of Life by Alexander McCall Smith (October 20th)

(38) The Sending by Isobelle Carmody (November 8th)
(39) The Magician's Apprentice by Trudi Canavan (November 14th)
(40) The Magician's Guild by Trudi Canavan (November 17th)
(41) The Novice by Trudi Canavan (November 18th)
(42) The High Lord by Trudi Canavan (November 21st)
(43) In the Company of Cheerful Ladies by Alexander McCall Smith (November 26th)
(44) The Ambassador's Mission by Trudi Canavan (November 28th)
(45) The Rogue by Trudi Canavan (November 30th)


Eric Clapton - Vancouver - Rogers Arena - 25/02/2011 - with Keenan


1. Whistler - 17th January - with Elisa, Deb & Ian (ski)
2. Whistler - 18th January - with Elisa & Deb (ski)
3. Whistler - 27th January - with Elisa (snowboard)
4. Whistler - 27th March - with Keenan (ski)
5. Whistler - 16th April - with Mike Forwood (ski)
beceh: (Default)
I have been an avid livejournal user since 2003. There's a lot of stuff on there. Stuff that I don't want to loose.

During the last DDoS attack on LJ it gave me a scare and I thought I should do something about backing up all my entries.

The site came back, and I forgot all about it.

Now it's happened again and I haven't been able to access the site at all since I flew back in from Australia on Sunday. It's re-scared me into action, and this time I'm actually doing something about it.

I will import all of my old entries over to here when I am able to. I hope that's soon, I'm getting kind of worried. Nearly everyone else seems to have access again but me!

So now I will have two online journals. The content will probably be exactly the same in both - except when LJ is down of course!

Now, best get back to the pasta sauce...
beceh: (eagle)
RIP Bernard.

You were a mighty fine rat.

He passed away this morning.

beceh: (lightning)
 Sometimes I get a little....freaked out.. (I'm not sure that that is quite the right word, but we'll go with it for now...) when I think about the role of chance in our lives and how much it deeply affects our lives and experiences. All those what if's... 

My brain starts feeling like it might explode if I start thinking about it too much or too deeply. Maybe that's why people came up with the whole notion of Fate - it's too scary to think that nothing happens for a reason and our lives and encounters are all just totally random and are only what we make out of them. 

Fate is a nice idea if your life is going well. One of the things that makes me disinclined to fully believe in fate is when I look at other peoples lives - not my own. So far in life I have been very lucky. I was born to good, middle-class parents in a safe country that gave me a lot of opportunities. Personally to me, nothing bad has ever happened. Yes, I have lost good friends which touched me deeply, but in this whole Fate conversation, they are periphery. I came into contact with them and I loved them dearly as friends and people... but I digress. I will come back to them later. I had a happy childhood, an uneventful teenage-hood. I have not yet been struck by any serious physical or mental illness even though the latter runs in my family, and my sister had suffered from the former. I have had many opportunities to travel. First when I was 10 and we lived for 7 months in Kiribati a third world tropical island. It opened my eyes to how other people could live, and how much simpler life could be and that yes we can survive without TV or electricity or freezers and phones.  When I was 16 i was able to go on exchange to Japan and live in Tokyo for a year. Again it opened my eyes to how other people lived. This time the opposite spectrum to Kiribati. While I learned to live without electricity there, in Tokyo I learned  how amazingly advanced we are becoming with technology and how we can live with it and expand our experiences with it. I feel like Australia and Canada are 5 -10 years behind Japan when it comes to technology in the general population, and I'd love to go back to see what they're up to now. 
Digressing again... I got to go to university. I'm from a country that makes this relatively easy, as long as you've got a brain and the motivation. Financially all you need to worry about is living costs and books - you don't have to pay off your uni fees until you start earning over $45k a  year. I was lucky enough to have a boyfriend in my early twenties who was into trading, and I was lucky enough to be with him when he was successful and he helped me make $100,000 which I then used to go travelling for six months, bum around NOorat for six months, and then live in Canada for a year without a job. That money is all gone now and I'm working again. Luck again played a big part of me getting this job. Luck or Fate? Random Chance more like and . What is luck anyway? 
If I believe in Fate, then I can reassure myself and say I was fated to meet Keenan, the first person who I feel truly understands me and the person who I get along with most in the world. We connect physically and emotionally and I know my life would be emptier and duller without him in it, but would I know what I was missing? 
Our meeting was so random. The events that led to us sitting next to each other at a bar in Gastown on the 24th of April 2010 could have so easily changed. So very fucking easily that it scares me. Because the rational part of my brain does not believe in fate. It believes in random chance. It does not believe in soulmates, yet feels Keenan is as close to that as it can get. And I could so easily not have met him. But I did.  Our lives aligned for one moment on one night and we took that and built something out of it. 

Every single person that is important to me in my life I met my random chance. If I or other people had made slightly or majorly different choices. My own existence is so fucking random. My parents randomly met at a party that my mum nearly didn't even go to. Four years later they got married, two years after that I came along. They planned to have 3 or 4 kids, and they got three. Bec, Jen and Nick. But it could have so easily been a different Bec, Jen and Nick (or even an Andrew, Tom and Elizabeth if we reversed the sexes of the babies) if a different sperm had fertilized the egg, or if Grandma had have rung while they were about to get frisky and they had to delay it. Boggles the mind.

If I choose to believe in Fate to be the reason that my life has turned out pretty darn good so far, then how can Fate correlate with Kate & Daryl, how does fate correlate with all those people living in poverty, who get fucked over, have fucked up lives, get murdered, all that horrible shit that goes on in this world. Fate only works when your life is "blessed". When you're not born into a war-torn country and watch your mother get raped and stabbed and then get your head chopped off at the age of six. When you're not born to a mother who murdered your father then kills you when you 13 months old by throwing you into the ocean and drowning you. Fate is a lovely, reassuring idea when your life is going grand, or when something amazing happens. Not when something shit happens. Why would it be fate and destiny for Daryl to die in a car accident when he was 18. Why would it be fate for Keenan and Sarah's friend Kyle to be struck by a falling tree branch and fall off a cliff when he was 17. It doesn't make sense. Yes, people learn from those experiences. Learn how to live each day like it's your last with no regrets - but why would we have to make such a big sacrifice? Why do people turn to religion at times of great grief? I guess then they have someone to blame - the devil.

If Kate and Daryl and Sarah had've gotten to that intersection a minute later than they did they would probably be alive today. But they didn't. If Kyle and his mates had been standing a metre to the left, he would be alive. So many IF's.

Fate? I don't think so. Yes it's scary to face the fact that life is just all random fucking chance. I was not fated to meet Keenan, but I did and I am so grateful that I did. Grateful to who? I don't know. Grateful to the random events that led up to it? Random chance led to two of my best mates being killed way before their time. I hate that. Random chance led me to meet some fantastic people who I love dearly, it also made me miss out on meeting others.

I sometimes think about all the forks and paths that I could have followed in my life... and wonder what my life would be like today if I had followed them. Some small, some big. What would I be doing if I had chosen a different university? What is I had chosen Alex over Ivan in 2007? What if I hadn't gone on my trip? What if I hadn't met Scott? Would I still have come to Canada to meet Keenan? Probably not. Who am I missing out on knowing that I would have if I had've stayed in Melbourne and gone back to uni last year?

So many what if's. It's kind of interesting to think about, but ultimately pointless. Things happened the way they did, I made the choices I did, other people made their choices and that's the world we live in today. 


beceh: (notebook)
Last night when I got into bed, I grabbed my Kindle off the desk and turned it on, intending to read a bit before sleeping.

Kindle broken. The top of it is screwed. The top inch is horizontal kind of lines, with a small diagonal bit in the corner. Can't read the first 2 or 3 lines of each page. Yeah no good. I cried. I asked Keenan if he'd done anything to it accidentally - he said he found it under a pile of coats on the floor and may have accidentally stood on it, but he's not sure. I don't know how it got down there - I must have left it on the bed, and then it got knocked off or something.

Anyway I thought I was screwed, as I didn't get the Extended Warranty that you can buy for it, but I was still covered by the manufacturers warranty as I haven't yet had it for a year,  but that's only for manufacturing defaults - not your boyfriend possibly standing on it.

I had a bit of a look online to see if it was possible to get it fixed and what-not and came across a guys blog and his Kindle looked exactly like mine does and he said he'd just called up and told them about it and they sent him a new one. My heart leapt! I'd read other blogs where they were charged around $200 to get a new one, or nothing at all - just Bad luck!, so I wasn't entirely sure how they'd react to me, but I gave them a call to find out.

I'm glad I did!

I just told the customer service lady that I was having a problem with the screen, and told her about the lines at the top. She didn't even ask me if I'd dropped it or anything, just apologised that I was having problems with it and that they'd send out a new one for me Priority International Express and I should get it on Tuesday! All I have to do is send back the damaged one within 30 days, they even pay for the postage! SWEET!!!!!

Very impressed with that. Very very. I thought at the least I'd have to send MINE off to get fixed, wait months and get it back eventually like a friend had to do with her camera, and a few people I know have had to do with phones.

Two thumbs up for Amazon for this!
beceh: (at the library)
Because I like weird stuff like this. Top Victorian names by decade. Read more... )
beceh: (lightning)
After living in Vancouver for approximately 10 months now, I have come to the conclusion that the Vancouver meteorologists use no actual weather or climate science. Instead, they have a wheel that has options for rain, snow, overcast and sunny. This they spin and update the websites. Every day they spin this wheel, and this is why the weather forecast for the whole week changes nearly every day. Right now it's telling me that it will snow on Sunday, but that will most likely change tomorrow. It's also telling me that it will be mostly sunny tomorrow, Monday-Wed. This is very likely to change. They almost always take away the sunny forecasts and replace them with rain closer to the day. Even though half the time it's sunny anyway...

On another note, I watched the movie Julie & Julia last year (2009... so not really last year now is it) sometime with my Grandma. It was when the whole Scott dramas were still going on and I remember watching it and thinking how both relationships portrayed in the movie (Julia & Paul Child, and Julie & Eric Powell) were loving and supportive and healthy, all of which were lacking with Scott and served as a bit of a wake-up call, in that I wanted that kind of relationship... and I was NEVER going to have it with Scott.

Anyway, I started reading Julia Child's memoir My Life in France over Christmas. I really enjoyed it. I laughed, it inspired me. It made me want to want to cook (I really don't like cooking very often). It made me want to go live in the south of France for a year or two with Keenan. It made me want to DO SOMETHING. Do something with my life.
Linda, Keenan's mum, noticed me reading it, and also lent me Julie Powell's book - Julie & Julia: My Year of Cooking Dangerously, the other memoir that the movie was based on. Now, I didn't mind Julie's story in the movie, although I preferred watching the Julia Child parts, but I didn't mind her.... but after reading her book, all I want to do is slap her! I really didn't like her (even less so after watching/reading interviews and a synopsis of her next book). A lot of reviewers liked her book though, said it was funny and irresistible. I had to disagree. I didn't laugh once. It was a chore to read. I kept reading, waiting for the funny bits to turn up. They didn't. And I really didn't like her as a character. Selfish, whiny, negative, self-centered... I could go on... I just really didn't get WHY she was doing it... apart from to get famous... and I looked at her blog.... and I don't get how it got so famous in the first place?

But yeah... if you get a chance, definitely read My Life in France. Take a pass on Julie Powell's self indulgent tripe.
beceh: (at the library)
Hmmm. I want to start keeping a record of the books that I read each year. Just a list y'know. So here is 2010 so far.

                   (1) Human Love by Andrei Makine
                   (2) The Hitchhikers Guide to the Galaxy by Douglas Adams
                   (3) The Restaurant at the End of the Universe by Douglas Adams
                   (4) The Stone Key by Isobelle Carmody (reread)
                   (5) Threshold by Sara Douglass (reread)
                   (6) The Twisted Citadel by Sara Douglass (reread)
                   (7) Wicked by Gregory Maguire
                   (8) Wolf Hall by Hilary Mentel
                   (9) East of the Sun by Julia Gregson
                   (10) The Hunger Games by Suzanne Collins (reread)
                   (11) Catching Fire by Suzanne Collins (reread)
                   (12) Mao's Last Dancer by Li Cunxin
                   (13) Heart's Blood by Juliet Marillier
                   (14) The Testament by John Grisham 
                   (15) The Astonishing Life of Octavian Nothing: Volume I by M.T. Anderson
                   (16) The Winter Door by Isobelle Carmody (reread)
                   (17) Billy Thunder & the Night Gate by Isobelle Carmody  (reread)
                   (18) Shade's Children by Garth Nix
                   (19) The Infinity Gate by Sara Douglass
                   (20) Black Beauty by
                   (21) Inkheart by Cornelia Funke
                   (22) The Many Lives & Secret Sorrows of Josephine B. by Sandra Gulland
                   (23) Tales of Passion, Tales of Woe by Sandra Gulland
                   (24) The Last Great Dance on Earth by Sandra Gulland
                   (25) Confessions of a Jane Austen Addict by Laurie Viera Rigler
                   (26) The Independence of Miss Mary Bennet by Colleen McCullough
                   (27) Mockingjay by Suzanne Collins
                   (28) The Temple of my Familiar by Alice Walker
                   (29) The Keys to the Kingdom: Mister Monday by Garth Nix
                   (30) The Keys to the Kingdom: Grim Tuesday by Garth Nix
                   (31) Harry Potter & the Philosophers Stone by J.K. Rowling (reread)
                   (32) Harry Potter & the Chamber of Secrets by J.K. Rowling (reread)
                   (33) The Red Queen by Philippa Gregory
                   (34) Dragon Haven by Robin Hobb
                   (35) The Way of Shadows by Brent Weeks
                   (36) Shadow's Edge by Brent Weeks
                   (37) Beyond the Shadow's by Brent Weeks

And also the gigs that I go to!!

1. John Butler Trio - 8th January, The Palace Theatre, Melbourne
2. Xavier Rudd - 4th June, Malkin Bowl, Vancouver
3. Arcade Fire - 28th September, Pacific Coliseum, Vancouver
4. Angus & Julia Stone - 12th October, Venue, Vancouver
5. The Jezabels - 30th October, Pit Pub, UBC, Vancouver

And the skiing I do!

(1). Whistler - March 20th - with Luke, Hannah and UK Dan
(2). Mt Baker - April 10th - with Mickey, Jacqui & Jono
(3) Mt Washington - April 17th - with Mickey, Jacqui, Luke and Dave
beceh: (lightning)
I'd forgotten how breathtakingly beautiful the night sky down here is. Clear night tonight, and the moon hasn't risen yet, the stars are so bright, amd so many of them! I just spent I don't know how long, standing in the middle of the garden with my head thrown back in awe.

I saw two shooting stars :-)

I love the countryside. It's just not the same in cities. You can't even see half the stars than you see out here.
beceh: (Default)
I spent today with my Grandma. She's my Mum's mother. Shirley. I had a really good day. I went over there this morning and we talked for about an hour over a cup of tea while she did show and tell with me, and gave me three new scarves, then we drove into Colac and had lunch at one of the pubs. Grandma had been talked into buying a book of vouchers, which if you were a young family and actually lived in Colac would be super good value, but I don't really think Grandma is going to get much use out of it. But anyway we got one free lunch and a free coffee later as well from it. Had a look around some of the shops there as well for awhile then went back to Corunnun and I relaxed in the conservatory for a little while, looking out over the paddocks and the lake, thinking that I will be very very sad when she sells the place.

Grandma lives at the Corunnun Homestead. It is one of the oldest houses in Victoria, and I think, the oldest still lived in house. But it is not a fancy mansion, so it doesn't get that much attention, just a bus load of historical society folks every so often. There were a lot of them in the Seventies (Grandma has a guest book that she makes most people sign - I've found entries from my very young aunts and uncles and relatives on my Dad's side which was a bit of a thrill!) but now they come out maybe once every year or two. Corunnun was first built in 1844... quite modern compared to many European buildings, but considering that Melbourne was only founded in 1835, it's rather ancient down here! The old part, the core 4 rooms, were built then, and it was the centre of a ginormous sheep station. Over the years the property went through a few transformations - the original estate was subdivided in the 1880's and 1890's and the land was turned to onion and potato farming (mainly onions) and then in the 1950's turned into a dairy farm after some sort of fungal rot made onion farming impossible. The Homestead was gradually made larger over the 1800's and the last major renovations were completed in the 1890's when the bedroom wing was added. Yeah... not a typo... the last major renovations were done 120 years ago!!! Since then it's just been maintaining the original building and rearranging the insides a bit. Currently there are 13 rooms - 4 bedrooms, a kitchen, 2 living/lounge rooms, a dining/billiard room, a 'piano' room (really another formal dining room), the 'old kitchen (Grandma uses it as her laundry now - would probably be the biggest laundry room in Australia haha), an attic (used to be the maid's quarters), an entry room (old breakfast room) and the conservatory. There is also the outbuildings - the original bathroom (1860's), the original laundry with the old copper in it that was still in use up until the 1960's (My Mum remembers having to go out to light the copper and getting distracted by books) and two offices. The two offices are wallpapered in ancient newspaper clippings. It's fascinating.

My family has owned Corunnun since 1919. My great-great-grandfather, Andrew Burns bought the Homestead and some surrounding land (60-80 acres) which they proceeded to farm. Andrew Burns died in 1936 and his son, my great-grandfather, Alexander Burns took over the property, raising his 5 daughters - Olive, Greta, Janet, Betty & Dulcie, and his son, Andy (William Andrew) my grandfather. Corunnun supported a large population of workers in those days and even had it's own cricket and football teams - apparently the footy team won 3 or 4 local grand finals over a few years in the 1920's!

Alexander Burns died in 1952, and my grandfather bought the farm off his sisters, and his mother and one of his sisters, Janet helped him run the farm. Andy married his high school sweetheart, my grandma, Shirley Glover, in 1954. The next year they had my mum, quickly followed by my Uncle Pete and a couple of years later by Uncle Jim. The three of them grew up together on the farm and were a bit surprised to be joined by Auntie Alison when Mum was 12.

For most of their childhood Grandma, Andy (for some reason I call both of my grandfather's by their names... The only men I ever called 'Pop' were Dad's grandfathers) and their kids lived in only half the house - the rooms were completely different to how I know them. What is now my Grandma's bedroom was their kitchen/living room, and what is now the kitchen was one of the bedrooms! Apparently the house got into a state of disrepair and the only reason it didn't get bulldozed in the late 1940's/early 1950's was because my great-grandad was too sick and died before he could go ahead with his plan of building a brand new house nearby. Grandma and Andy turned it into the lovely home that I've known for the past 25 years during the 1970's and 1980's after my great-grandmother Ethel died and Great-Auntie Janet got married to a Swede and moved out. 

Sadly my grandfather Andy passed away (somewhat ironically of a heart attack while on a walk raising money for the Heart Foundation...) back in 1991 so Grandma has been all alone at Corunnun for nearly 20 years. She feels like that is long enough and would like to move into a unit in Colac within the next few years. This prospect makes me very sad, but I know Grandma can't keep on living out there. She's almost 78, and while still very good for her age, it is rather remote and it's a very big house and garden for just one old lady. It is 6km to the nearest milkbar and 20km to the nearest town (Colac) and petrol station. 

While having lunch with her today and listening to her talk about people who were long dead before I was even thought about, I realised how much of the districts, and my personal history we stand to loose when Grandma either dies or looses her memory. She remembers so much. A lot of inconsequential, but it is local, oral history and I personally think it's important. I learnt today that my great-grandmother Rose, Grandma's mum, didn't like to wear jumpers with high necks, just like I don't. I learnt that Andy hated wearing a collar and tie. I learnt that Andy was not a romantic man, but that he was a good husband. I learnt about the woman who moved in with Grandma's dad after her mum died to look after the house and help a bit at the shop (Grandma's dad, George was a baker and he ran the bakery/general shop in Warrion)

It makes me sad that half the things she told me I've already forgotten, even though as I was listening to her  I was thinking how interesting it was and how I needed to remember it. Maybe I should tape her and scribe them...

Mum told me how Andy used to say the same thing about his mother. She apparently had a phenomenal memory. And she used to dance in front of the television to annoy her grandchildren. n

It brought back to me, as a history student, how much of our history is lost when each generation dies. We only get the skeletons passed down to us... Future generations may be different. In this age of technology and the internet, everything is recorded. But things might be lost still, in this glut of pointless information we had.

Grandma said something sad today. She said she feels a bit out-of-date or past her use-by date or something these days now that her family's so scattered. She said when you're a mother you're the most important person, then when you're a grandmother you are still really important. Now her grandchildren are forging ahead with their own lives and she's got 2 great-grandchildren and her youngest grandchild is almost a teenager. Most of us are in our 20's and 30's. She doesn't feel very important or necessary in our lives anymore.... it made me sad. I'm glad I spent the whole day with her today and I'll see her a few more times before I leave.

I'm tired now, I think I'll go to bed...
beceh: (winter)
It's snowing!!! Properly!!! Everything looks amazingly pretty. Keenan just shoved a snowball down my pajamas.

Forecast for Noorat on Tuesday when I arrive is 34 degrees celcius. Hot damn. Snow to hot. What fun.
beceh: (notebook)
3338 words for today. I'm happy with that. If I can pull that off again tomorrow, then I'll be up to date :-)

beceh: (wedding)
This song pretty much sums up my view on love and soulmates perfectly!



beceh: (Default)
A friend of a friend posted this on facebook.

Had to share.

beceh: (summer drinks)
What a lovely week. Summer arrived in full strength (even got up to 30 Celsius a couple of days!!) and many days were spent either swimming in mountain rivers or at the beach. Rather wonderful, just how summer should be :-) 

Unfortunately it's back to low twenties and cloud this week :-(

Come back summer weather, come back!!

Had an odd dream just before I woke up... Somehow I was back in Australia, but I had a date with Keenan in Canada the next night, so I was trying to organise how to get back quickly and justify it to Mum and it was just a rather weird dream...
beceh: (isolde alone)
 You know, sometimes I wish I could just flick through my life like a book. Read my biography, cheat and read the last few pages... before going back and reading it properly... Although whenever I do that with actual books I always make the wrong assumptions, so maybe it's not such a good idea. 

Would you want to know the future?

One of Elisa's aunts told her to be careful for the next few years because the choices we make in our twenties usually affect the rest of our lives, moreso than any other point in our life. Of course this isn't true for everyone... but it is for a lot of people. They pick their spouse, their career, where they live.... kind of weird to think about. I think it might be getting a little less relevant these days though with people taking a lot longer to grow up and make these major decisions. 

Compare my parents generation to mine - many of them married their first long-term partner in their early-mid twenties. They started working in a field and made a career out of it for 30-40 years. These days we go through 3, 4, 5 long-term relationships, we jump around careers, we stay at home for longer and longer.... 

Hmm I don't know where I'm going with this. 

Sometimes I wish I knew where I'll end up, and who I'll end up with... like there is some conclusion. But isn't life just a journey? Why am I searching for a WHO all the time. I am really enjoying my time with Keenan at the moment, would it make it any more or less special if I knew that we were going to break up in a few months/years/whenever, or if I'd spend the rest of my life with him? I don't know. 

I can't spend my life always waiting, wanting something more. Need to live in the now, now is all there is. 
beceh: (flowerswoman)
 How do I feel fulfilled with my life?

The main things, for me, are to be happy and have meaningful relationships with others. And also to be productive. 

At the moment I am not being productive. I am happy (mostly) and I am certainly not neglecting my social scene, but I'm not being productive in anything. I am not producing anything. I'm not DOING anything. People ask me what I've been up to and I'm like "..... um..... honestly not much." I'm always busy, but it's just hanging out with Keenan or Mike or Lisa or Elisa & Ian or housemates or Mickey or whoever.... 

Financially I need to get a job within the next few months... but the idea of some 9-5 (or whatever time) office/menial job bores me to absolute tears. I have never been career minded in the slightest. It has never been important to me. As long as I'm financially comfortable, I'm quite content. 

A lot of people around me seem to think that to be fulfilled I (or anyone) needs a job. If it was a job that you enjoyed, then I might agree.. but seriously, most people don't like their jobs. Only a lucky few seem to find a job that they love, or actually have a dream of what they want to do. But most jobs in our society aren't productive. We are just little worker bees making someone else rich, while trying to eek out our own living. 
I'm not going to make any impact on the world, or anyone really, working in an insurance call centre. 

I keep saying I want to write, I want to be an author. But I've hardly written anything much at all the past year. Maybe I have too much time on my hands. I don't know. I'm lazy. I procrastinate. I think I'll do it tomorrow. I'm not in the mood... 

I've just run across an ocean to do nothing. Yes, I am having an excellent time here, I am making some great friendships and seeing and getting to know another part of the world... but something is lacking. 


And now I need to go out and be social and what-not again. Woe is me. 

Maybe I will make it an early night and come back and finish the chapter that I've been working on for weeks/months/years. 
beceh: (fatso the fat-arsed wombat)
Damn time difference! I really feel like just having a random chat with my Mum, but it's 3am over yonder in Australia. :-(

I haven't really gotten homesick at all since I left Australia 3 and a half months ago. I really like it here in Vancouver and I've managed to make some cool friends (makes a big difference, a lot of my homesickness is usually people based). There was a bad night over Easter where I desperately wanted to go home, but that was a combination of things and passed pretty quickly.

Lately I've been finding myself missing Australia itself. Summertime Australia... or late Spring/Autumn. I have to remind myself that it's colder there than here now and will be for the next 3 or 4 months heh.

But I miss the landscape. I love the mountains and the lush greenness over here... it's amazing. But I find myself missing wide open planes, being able to see miles and miles until the horizon under a hot clear blue sky. Gum trees. I think it's more the countryside that I'm missing. I've mostly been in cities since I got here... While I do love cities, I am a country girl at heart, and I need to get out there every so often to recharge my batteries. I need to get out and not be able to see anyone for miles, not be able to hear any traffic...

I hadn't really realised that until just now... Vancouver is a cool city, with the mountains and North Van has so many trees, I kind of forget that I'm in a city sometimes... but the traffic and people are always there.

I think an excursion into the wilds of BC may be in order very soon.  
beceh: (Default)
 I had a rather exciting and pleasant surprise the other night - I was just browsing the web and came across the news that Sara Douglass has released a new book. The Infinity Gate, third book (and final... I think) of her latest fantasy series. For a moment I despaired as I did not think I would be able to read it for some time - I hadn't seen it in any Canadian bookstores - I didn't even know it was out! But then I remembered that I own a kindle, so with fingers crossed, I checked Amazon's site, and within a minute I had the book in my hands. Yay for Kindle! (Although NOTHING beats actually holding a paper book in your hands!)

Sara is one of my all time favourite authors. I will not hesitate to buy one of her new releases and I have enjoyed all of her books... and I enjoyed this one, but I found myself slightly dissatisfied with this book... 

This book was very plot driven. We've had two books to get to know a lot of characters, and I felt we really did get to know some of them quite well... but in this book it was nearly all action. Action, action, action. There was not many personal moments, and characters who were once prominent were now put on the complete backburner -  Salome for example is not even mentioned until the last third of the book. A lot of the characters felt more 2D, than the 3D rounded characters they had been in the past. And there were characters who I now wonder what the purpose of was... Hereward for example. I was very unsatisfied with her story-arc. She HAD one. I was wondering what was going to happen between her and Isiah, why she was saved when everyone around her was killed... we got to know her, I thought she had some purpose. But then she's killed off in one sentence and that's the last we hear of her. No one cares that she's dead. No one really even notices. It felt like the author just couldn't be bothered with the character anymore so just got rid of her. 

I still enjoyed the book though. It wrapped everything up rather neatly, while still leaving the way open for future books (Isiah & Axis' adventures, Ravenna & her son...). It was well written, and fast paced, all in all a good Douglass book and read. Yet I still feel dissatisfied. 



beceh: (Default)

December 2011

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