beceh: (flowerswoman)
[personal profile] beceh
 How do I feel fulfilled with my life?

The main things, for me, are to be happy and have meaningful relationships with others. And also to be productive. 

At the moment I am not being productive. I am happy (mostly) and I am certainly not neglecting my social scene, but I'm not being productive in anything. I am not producing anything. I'm not DOING anything. People ask me what I've been up to and I'm like "..... um..... honestly not much." I'm always busy, but it's just hanging out with Keenan or Mike or Lisa or Elisa & Ian or housemates or Mickey or whoever.... 

Financially I need to get a job within the next few months... but the idea of some 9-5 (or whatever time) office/menial job bores me to absolute tears. I have never been career minded in the slightest. It has never been important to me. As long as I'm financially comfortable, I'm quite content. 

A lot of people around me seem to think that to be fulfilled I (or anyone) needs a job. If it was a job that you enjoyed, then I might agree.. but seriously, most people don't like their jobs. Only a lucky few seem to find a job that they love, or actually have a dream of what they want to do. But most jobs in our society aren't productive. We are just little worker bees making someone else rich, while trying to eek out our own living. 
I'm not going to make any impact on the world, or anyone really, working in an insurance call centre. 

I keep saying I want to write, I want to be an author. But I've hardly written anything much at all the past year. Maybe I have too much time on my hands. I don't know. I'm lazy. I procrastinate. I think I'll do it tomorrow. I'm not in the mood... 

I've just run across an ocean to do nothing. Yes, I am having an excellent time here, I am making some great friendships and seeing and getting to know another part of the world... but something is lacking. 

Hmmm. 

And now I need to go out and be social and what-not again. Woe is me. 


Maybe I will make it an early night and come back and finish the chapter that I've been working on for weeks/months/years. 
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beceh

December 2011

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